The PAST

I never thought I could ever survive from being so melancholic, but i came to realize that what had happen is just part of my life and it made me think that I'm too lucky to face it all though I feared so much and so scared to be left alone tremendously suffered for loosing but it doesn't mean that my life is worthless when I lost someone special for God still never abandoned me instead he give me more reason to believe when that someone walk out of my life the DOOR open widely for the others to see, and now here I am smiling back to the world and once again felt the contentment.

it was September 2007 when I face the hardiest part of my life, I'm just a typical Filipina girl who never ask for too much, instead I'm contented of what God has given me. as those sweet years of 2005 to 2006 I thought I was the most happiest girl in the whole wide world, that I thank God for giving me such life that He never ever leave me.

He Give me the Man that I was dreaming of since I was just a little girl who wants to have a perfect man to be with (it’s typical for young girls to dream that early), when I start to look back at the time when I was just dreaming for my Mr. Right, I made a promise to myself that I would never ever commit to the other man when I have my Mr. Right. as I grow more older I realize that the dream I'm dreaming of is just an Illusion nor a blur vision, until on my 24 years I meet someone who is so opposite of my Mr. Right, at first I never give a damn on him but his to reluctant that he caught my attention, a typical Filipino men who've done everything just to prove how worthy and valuable you are to them that it reaches to the point that he travel miles away just to reach me, for he was in Manila when I'm in Mindanao, he never felt scared and even giving a second thought just to reach me.

From that moment he captured me of guard that made me change my point of view for my Mr. Right though he never had or resemble a lot of it but he made a way to caught me out guard. so from that on I never stop caring and showing him how much he mean to me that I never give him a reason to have a doubt and that it made me forget to love myself back, all I wanted is to him to be contented and be happy with me, I've done everything just to let him know how much I love him and that he even know I can’t go on living without him by my side, and then one day I felt something strange on him that it made me rattled, and that's the time I sneak and peep every time I smell fishy, and my instinct never fail I caught him but he keep on denying that it makes me feel so ill, so I still keep on insisting and nagging him to tell me that truth until he caught unguarded and admit it....

I felt the whole wide world crush down on me and it choked me death, I can’t believe that in everything I have done, in his eyes it’s still nothing that in every sacrifice I made just for both of us mean nothing to him , I ask him to choose and I know it’s a mistake for it even hurt me more to know that he even choose the other one, I felt so weak and helpless that I even ask to spare my life at that moment, I cried so hard that I don't even know how long I have been kneeling and begging for him to not let go of me but he seems so deaf to hear my plea, it crushes me down when he repeatedly say those hurting words. I was totally lost without any direction to think for the right thing...my heart was in total wreck and torn into thousand pieces.

he left me at that night without even caring that I might think of doing suicidal, he really doesn't care anymore, I keep on asking and bagging God for abandoning me at that moment but it seems that God is not hearing my plea too...

I've been asking myself too many questions but still the answers are too aloof to dig. so what I did is, isolated myself to seek, find and gain myself respect, until I found out that God never abandoned me instead he show me the right path to walk in, that he let me awake from my deepest sleep, and from that on I learn to value myself more and seek for God guidance and grace for he truly know what is best for us, as of now I'm totally happy and contented, when i lost someone he give me the other one to show me that life doesn't end with one person alone, for as God says, if the door is closed ill open all the windows for you to see....